i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
