How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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