My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
