Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
