People in love make me want to vomit
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
