Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
