I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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