I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
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I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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