Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
