dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
