So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
