I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
