if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
