dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
