I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
