This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
