i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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