just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
