We're facebook friends in real life
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
