i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
