i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
