I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
