How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
