We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
