I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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