my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
