i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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