I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
