I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
