Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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