When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
