apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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