We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
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Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
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I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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