and you said cock pushups were impossible
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
