ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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