There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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