Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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