our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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