Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
