I wanna bring you to show and tell
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
