She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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