My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize