You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
