You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
