she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
