if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
