i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
