I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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