She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
