Soap is not a condiment
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
