How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
