Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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