You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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