i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
