i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
