His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
