Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The Olympian is in my bed
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
