just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
