Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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