based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
