i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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