So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
