I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
