I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
